Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Skirting Issues

The amazing thing about hideous fashions is that every so often you come across one example that makes you reconsider your stance, if but for a fleeting moment. For instance, I vehemently object to the wearing of plaid schoolgirl miniskirts by persons who are above a certain age (defined here as "legal"), and by those who are neither playing field hockey nor complying with a mandate put forth by an academic institution. In fact, I never even understood why they were recommended as school uniforms. I imagine it went a little something like this:

Alarmist school administrators decided their tony suburban prep schools would be a safer and better place without the pupils getting distracted by one another's loud streetwear, which presumably displays their various gang affiliations, and thus incites violence. I mean, there are a certain number of minority charity cases let in each year, and they can't very well let them run amok, dressing like their favorite slain rappers as they graffiti the wainscoted halls and impregnate the other students. The answer to quashing the malevolent influence of undesirables? Homogenize.

Hrmm. If the purpose of the uniform is to minimize any unnecessarily disruptive and potentially harmful elements in a learning environment, I don't follow the reasoning of the person who decided it would be a good idea to put young girls, in the nascent stages of their sexuality, in tiny skirts in a hormonally charged atmosphere. Now, I don't know how those girls feel about it, so I can't speak for them, but I know that once, for reasons I won't discuss here, I donned a cheerleader outfit . . . and it totally turned me on. It's a good thing I didn't go to any sort of mini-skirted Academy, because if I had, I would have had to tie my legs shut and quell the urge to pull that skirt up over my head and jump on every pubescent schoolboy in sight. Short, plaid miniskirts, you see, are the devil, and should not be worn by teenage girls, lest they grow up to be promiscuous sluts which they will probably become anyway. But again, that's probably just me . . .

Wow. I totally sound like a kid who went to public school and wears it like a badge. If you're still reading, I meant to show you a plaid mini skirt I wouldn't laugh at you for wearing.  This is a vintage schoolgirl skirt, which makes it totally okay. I'd suggest pairing with navy blue tights and oxfords. $16 @ Etsy. See? The model is staring down at her be-skirted nether regions, willing her legs to stay shut.
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  1. I too went to public school and "wear it like a badge" but I always wanted to know what it was like to wear those uniforms. Grass is always greener.

  2. Yeah, I totally know what you mean about wanting to see what uniforms were like. Instead, I had to sport the colors of a gang I didn't even belong to just so I wouldn't get stabbed in the hallways.

    Actually, I just wished I didn't have to think about what to wear in the mornings. My mother would stand there tsking at me, telling me "school is not a fashion show." Oh, but it is.